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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of her friends vanished at that point, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely grasped more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several in her circle have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role in the relationship is to listen. I introduce subjects but she shifts them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I try to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to offer insights, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially just desired my agreement with her decisions. I have come back from 30 days in that country she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. What you feel are valid, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject all you say, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version of their life they won't release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way then consider on your words. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction from having been truthful.